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Tuesday, December 23, 2008

time machine

Aproximately 1 day, 10 hours, 45 minutes and 3 seconds. I wanted to go back in time to right the wrong and avoid what must be avoided. Aproximately 1 day, 10 hours, 45 minutes and 3 seconds.

If only time machines existed.

I haven't had my confession since more than a decade ago. But I know I've never been a bad girl. Save for some impure thoughts. Of lusty memories under the sheets and elsewhere. That, and vanity were my only sins. Indulgence. I didn't know that would be enough to give me such a bad start on my holiday vacation.

I stood in queue for about an hour only to find out that my flight will be delayed for another hour. If there was indeed any consolation, I met some new friends in the long queue. But my ill fortune didn't start there. A week earlier, my cellphone fell off my bag. Hassle. Bad trip talaga. Sinabi mo pa. And as if that wasn't enough, some kid decided to play kick the can with my already dilapidated cellphone. Talk about insult to injury. Pasalamat nalang tong batang to mabait ako.

The next few days before my flight home was spent cellphoneless and broke. Thank God for the internet. Thank God for Chikka. And the credit card was like manna from heaven. I have only afforded my self half a kilo of fantasy grapes for my niece and a few pieces of new clothing courtesy of Genevieve Gozum. As for my kinfolks and friends, knowing that I flew home in one piece would be better than a dozen of Krispy Kremes. I hope.

I never thought my ill fortune decided to tag along with me as I alighted the plane. I decided to play damsel in distress in the Davao International Airport. What I never expected was my antics would only be the cause of my knight in shining armor's downfall...

Armed only with my charms (kapal moks), I decided to go up to a total stranger and borrow his cellphone. I texted my mom to pick me up. I wasn't able to get a reply. Out of desperation, I texted my boyfriend. In less than 3 seconds, I got his reply. "On my way" he said. I sat there, alone with the kind stranger, waiting for any familiar face to come to my aide. Nada. "Where you na?" I again nudged. The next text message I recieved was an unexpected blow. "Nakabangga ako ng matanda." He replied. Ah, the irony. My mom has arrived. But alas, her cellphone was out of battery so again, I had to rely on my charms. "Tita," I said to my mom's friend in the sweetest voice possible. "Patawag po sa cellphone." In a few seconds, she whipped out her phone and I frantically dialed his number.

"San ka?"
"Nasa presinto. Nakabangga ako ng matanda. Nabalian ng shoulder. San ka na? Me sundo ka na? Alam mo ba, nakablatter ako ngayon.... Reckless imprudence resulting to physical injury. Baka makulong ako."

I was choking for words which I cannot spit out.

"..."

"Beh?"
"..."
"Talk to me beh... Where are you?"
"I-i'm.... sorry... I..."

Click.

Phone line went dead. Sorry. That was all I could say. What else could I do? what more could I say to alleviate the situation?

That night, I went to his house. He sat there, sullen yet slightly optimistic despite the traces of dried tears on his cheeks. This too shall pass. But how?

"Wala na tayong magawa Bhe. Nangyari na ang di dapat mangyari..."
"..."
"More or less 50 thousand ang bayad sa operation. Naka embargo ang motor ko at lisensya ko sa police station. Kung hindi ko mabayaran ang pagpahospital at operasyon, pwede akong makulong."
"I might be able to help... This is all my fault. I hate myself..." (uuy... emo raw ako.)
"Huwag na Beh. I have decided to stop school. Yung pang tuition ko for next year, gagamitin sa gastusin."
"But..."
"Pasok muna tayo sa loob. I'm sure gusto ka nilang makita."

you sure about that? I thought as I reluctantly took a step forward.

"Beh, I'll stay here. I don't think you're mom would be all too happy to see me right now."
"Just come with me."

Like a prisoner awaiting death sentence, I trailed behind him.

"Do you hate me?"
"I did. But I can't."
"Beh..."

He turned around and hugged me.

"Huwag ka nang umalis... please..."

"I caused you enough trouble Beh. I'll do my part to help you but you have to understand... I think you're better off without me..."

"Stay... please... You have no idea how happy I am to see you again... I need you right now..."


Tears trickled down my cheek.

"This is all my fault..."

"No. Don't blame yourself..." I wish he hadn't said that. The more he throws me kindness the more I felt guilt creeping in. How could he ever love me?

Being in his house again was supposed to offer me some sort of peace. A sense of being home again as his house and the people living in it has alway did. But I felt like a criminal. Estranged.

Hearing them talk about the calculated expenses and the possibility of him going to jail for reckless imprudence was like a big, fat stake being driven through my heart. I felt myself shrinking in my clothes. No more motorcycle, that's one thing I'm sure of. The rest would be regarded with much foreboding. With heavy hearts and no vehicle, we ventured home to my house.

I knew that at that moment, things might never be the same again, wether we get through this ordeal or not.

Aproximately 1 day, 10 hours, 45 minutes and 3 seconds. I wanted to go back in time to right the wrong and avoid what must be avoided. Aproximately 1 day, 10 hours, 45 minutes and 3 seconds.

If only time machines existed.

1 comment:

Callcenterguy said...

Wow! I hope your ok! Happy New Year!

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